I received a wonderful, early invitation from my former roommate to go with her and another random church group from Ciudad Sandino to a local hospital for woman and children. Alysha explained we would visit different patients, talk and pray with them, and then give a small packet of needed toiletries. At first, I jumped right on her invitation. "Of course, Alysha, I would love to do that!"
When I received a reminder text message yesterday morning, I felt my stomach slightly creeping to my throat. I didn't send a reply "yes" message until later in the afternoon. As the day went on I began praying and praying for the next day. However, at the same time, I began having a million doubts... Maybe, this isn't the best idea... I don't want to impose on other people... I already feel uncomfortable... my Spanish is horrible... this is silly. The excuses grew in my brain, yet, I continued praying for strength and the great awareness of the Holy Spirit for the next day.
I "woke up" the next morning with my morning brain trying to make up lame excuses as to why I couldn't get out of bed and go help out at the hospital. Finally, I got out of bed, jumped on the bus, and met Alysha near her house. We picked up her friend Cesar along the way and we were off to the hospital...
About 8 other people from Ceasar's church also participated in this outreach event. I still had moments of doubt and judgement while we gathered in the parking lot. The group was discussing whether we had enough cameras- including a video camera, and I bit my tongue as I pictured us exploiting people we don't even know and publishing our "good deeds". Someone also explained we want to share a sermon today and not only give a gift of hygienic products. I held my breath.
We entered the first room with a nurse's lead. 8 beds/cribs lined the small room with women/moms sitting a hard chairs. One of the church member's volunteered to speak first and he addressed the entire room. I was not able to translate everything he said in my head but I did see a lot of finger pointing and heard him ask a woman if she goes to church. I immediately felt uncomfortable and questioned why I decided to come along, but luckily I was also distractedly playing with the precious little boy next to me whose wrist had the tight hospital bracelet tagged to his wrist. In my mind, I "survived" the first room. I handed out a few of the hygiene packets and I spoke with the mother and precious child right next to me and then prayed with them. Suddenly, I became overwhelmingly aware of God's presence in the room. Despite, maybe my disagreements, my discomforts, my laziness, my fear, I suddenly felt I was in the right place.
Also, a great relief came over me when another volunteer spoke in the next room and focused more on how God is with each of them and can do all things, instead of trying to condemn and convince. We all had an opportunity to pray for each patient and I began thinking less about my Spanish and instead feeling more of the Holy Spirit.
We went room to room praying, meeting, and giving to different people. Each room we entered was a difficult site to see, considering the poor, poor conditions of the hospital. I also thought about how these kids and families have nothing to do while they are here and sometimes they wait days just to see the doctor. Yet, I know God is right there with them whether they realize it or not.
Finally, one of the fellow volunteers asked if I would share a word with the next room of patients. At first I said, "No, gracias". However, as we neared the door I was reminded it's not about my ability to speak- it's all about sharing God's love with these wonderful children of God I am only able to know for a split second. To share that they are special and God is with them through each moment. I used my Intermediate level of Spanish and shared.
I share this story of my fear, judgements, doubts, laziness, uncomfortableness, because I think we have all allowed these thoughts and feelings to get in the way of living a life like Christ. I'm not sharing this visit to the hospital not to share a righteous act I accomplished, because even still parts of it I believe were not so wonderful- bringing a video camera, handing out tracks... but for us to remember those moments we didn't follow through with something on our hearts, encouraging us to do something out of our comfort zone which will glorify God and demonstrate love to others.
I will consider dreaming and thinking of a more sustainable ministry in which a group goes each week
to give fun activities or have prayer groups with the moms, etc. Also, each of those beautiful women and children will remain in my mind and heart throughout this week.
Thanks for your continued support!
May God help move YOUR big, lazy, judgmental butt, too! :)
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